


Silences - Remus Lupin x Reader

by Bells83234



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:14:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29344953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bells83234/pseuds/Bells83234
Kudos: 3





	Silences - Remus Lupin x Reader

!Self harm trigger!

It was mid-February and the walk down to the quidditch pitch was an unwelcome one, however, I, like every other student at Hogwarts, was trundling along amidst the crowd, my best friends Lily, Dorcas and Marlene adjoined to me via our linked arms in an attempt to not get lost.

I felt a pull on my arm as the loop separating me and Lily was broken and I chuckled when I saw the familiar love-struck boy that was James Potter fill the gap. I could feel Lily rolling her eyes from a whole person away as he began happily chattering to mainly himself. My eyes scanned the crowd, a smile on my face as I let James link arms with me - I secretly ship them, but Lily would kill me for even daring to think that - I spotted the rest of his little group walking slightly behind, chuckling at the hole he was digging himself as he attempted to explain why he thought Lily looking like a bowtruckle was a good thing.

My eyes met with Lupin's and his cheeks flushed, I smiled softly before he looked away, elbowing Sirius in the side for whatever he had not-so-subtly commented. He's sweet and his oversized cardigans do look awfully cosy and I'd love to steal one - however, I'm me, so not happening.

The thing is, I know he likes me, so many people tell me expecting me to not know but he's not exactly secretive about it, and yes he's cute and he can be funny, but I just don't think of him like that. Plus I'm way too young and busy for a serious relationship; and embarrassingly I don't want a relationship where I have to share me - John Legend levels of me - with someone when I'm not happy with, well... me. I still don't know who I am, I still have a lot of issues to work through and my body is the furthest from perfect one could get, I don't want to burden him with that.

So until I'm ready and until I meet someone worth it, I don't think I'll take the risk just yet.

But in a way I want him to be worth the risk.

I want someone to think about, to dream of, someone I want to take risks for.

I just... don't.

As we reached the pitch, I was shaken out of my daydream as James detached himself from my arm and walked off to join his team, nodding his head in thanks to me as I smirked before climbing up the precarious stairs to join the rest of Gryffindor.

************

The match was typical: people shouting in support or protest; freezing cold winds, causing random students to huddle together, and the only people actually enjoying themselves being the ones playing. I love quidditch, I really do, I'd play if I wasn't so afraid of heights, but at times like these I'd really rather just curl up by the fire in the common room with my sketchbook and a hot chocolate.

I shivered involuntarily, reminding myself where I actually was and not where I wished to be, when I felt a warm weight around my neck. Looking up I saw Sirius grinning down at me like the nutcase he is, "Why hello there, Melody," 

"Why hello there, Sirius," I mimicked rolling my eyes in preparation for, well, Sirius.

"It appears, shockingly, that you are not enjoying this quidditch match," He stated with such sarcasm, I couldn't help but smile.

"Does it? Maybe my disdain isn't showing through enough then, as I am detesting this quidditch match," I felt him chuckle as I leant against his side, sheltering myself from the cold and icy wind that suddenly picked up.

"Cheer up a little, Mel," Dorcas piped in, "After this, we get to partayyyy!" She added with a ridiculous shimmy, that left us in hysterics when Peter joined in.

"What if I don't want to partayyyy?" I questioned, a grin now firmly in place on my face - Merlin, I love my friends.

"I guess, we'll just have to party for you," Lily added, starting to dance like a madwoman around the stand, Sirius and Marlene joining in, until James flew past at top speed, distracting them from their routine. I looked around as they cheered, getting slightly annoyed that the little warmth Sirius had supplied was now gone, when Remus approached me, draping his scarf around my shoulders.

"Was I that obvious?" I giggled, looking up and smiling in thanks.

"You were practically burning a hole through Sirius' head," He chuckled, helping me to correctly secure the bright red and yellow garment, "He means well, he's just... easily distracted."

"Oh trust me I know, we're potions partners, I'm lucky I still have eyebrows, to be honest."

"Believe me, I know how dangerous he can be around potions, he once attempted to make a love potion for Prongs and accidentally made living death - I don't even know how he did it - let's just say we're very lucky Lily never ate any of those cookies,"

We were still laughing together when three of the four stands suddenly came to life with cheers, breaking eye contact with Remus to scour the pitch, it was obvious Gryffindor had won. The team all huddled down on the pitch, Sirius had already raced down the steps and had jumped on Potter's back in celebration. I looked back to Remus, about to thank him for the scarf when Lily got a tight grip on my arm and dragged me away, so I simply raised my eyebrows at him as he and Peter chuckled following behind.

"PARTY TIMEEE!!!" We heard as we made it onto the pitch, a very sweaty James running over to greet us, Sirius still on his back.

"You're coming right, ladies?" He asked, his eyes not leaving Lily, making the rest of us chuckle.

"Hell yes, we're coming. PARTY TIME!" Marlene screamed, getting a few cheers from random Gryffindors in response.

"Great," I murmured to myself, as I followed the rest of our oddball group.

**********

By the time I came down from changing in the dorm, Remus' scarf still draped around my neck - 'for patriotism' to quote a certain Mr James Potter - clashing with my purple skirt, the common room was fully decorated, drinks and snacks everywhere and the Gryffindor colours proudly hung on every surface. People had begun to drift through the door that had been propped open much to the fat lady's dismay.

Spotting Dorcas on the sofa, I made my way over, carefully avoiding any and all contact with the many teenagers beginning to lose their inhibitions and smelling like it.

"Hey, didn't think you'd come," Dorcas smiled, placing her arm around me - she was still thankfully sober.

"Well, idiotic me promised, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did, HEY LILY!" She exclaimed as her grip on my arm tightened, probably predicting I'd try to run.

"Hey, how's it going, Mel?" Lily asked as she sauntered over, her words slightly slurred, probably hinting as to why she was allowing Potter to hold her hand.

"Seems things are going the best for James," I mumbled to myself, before clearing my throat, "I'm fine, would you be able to point me in the direction of the least alcoholic drink in this room?" I asked, watching them all look at each other confusedly before James pointed to the door and mumbled, "Kitchen?".

Chuckling to myself, I headed off in that direction.

**********

Reaching the kitchen, I greeted the house elves I was all-to-familiar with, and helped myself to two hot chocolates. As usual, they all scurried to help me, but for what felt like the hundredth time, I assured them I could do it myself. I snuck some marshmallows out the cupboard and handed them around, before thanking them muchly and returning to see what sort of hell my 'home' had become.

A smile fell onto my face as I spotted a familiar face by the door, "Just who I was looking for!" I exclaimed with a chuckle, extending my arm holding the spare hot chocolate.

"Is it emergency got chocolate time already? What have they done?" Remus chuckled with feigned horror in response, gratefully taking the mug from my hand.

This has become our little tradition, unlike our friends, we weren't the biggest 'partiers'. Usually, it was my excuse to leave if it got too much but the moment I stepped foot in the common room was too much today.

"How are you so good at making hot chocolate?" Remus practically moaned as he took his last sip.

I giggled, watching him attempt to remove the chocolate from his face, "Practice, I guess, don't worry, I'll teach you one day," I smiled, guiding his hand to where his face had been absolutely covered, hiding the slight pink tinge it had gained.

"Want to come with me to return these, or you going to try and PARTAYYYY?" He asked, chuckling slightly as he mocked Marlene.

I nodded in response, "Nice try, but you know the rules, if I make it, you wash up," I said in an attempted stern voice, before breaking into a grin, "Seriously, Remmy, I'm okay today, someone has to look after that lot," I assured him, but he continued to stand there dubiously, so I turned and walked through the door, coming face to back with basically everyone.

I squeezed in between bodies that were dancing and writhing and whatever Peter thought he was doing, before I reached Dorcas drooling over Sirius, "Hey!" I practically screamed, waking her from her hormone fuelled fantasy.

"You actually came back!" She squealed, pulling me on to her lap, as she leaned back to grab Marlene and Lily's arms, gesturing at my presence, which I'm sure was plenty noticeable, I'm like a 5'9 heffalump squashing a dainty 5'1 gazelle.

I scrambled up from my seat and grabbed Lily's hand as she continued to dance, James' eyes not leaving her once. I had a feeling tonight would be another one of those occasions where she'd 'cave' and they'd end up happily making out in a broom cupboard - she so likes him. 

For whatever reason, I let her pull me into the heart of the BO pit and I just moved to... well more the vibrations than the music, I'm pretty sure my ears no longer function.   
I let go. The girls were constantly telling me to loosen up and I know I can, but in a way, I don't feel deserving.

I was smiling at Marlene across the room when I felt a body directly behind me... holding me. I felt my breath leave my lungs and my eyes go wide, I looked for Lily and saw her leading James upstairs. Oh god, not now. I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to... show interest? My breathing became short and fast as I tried to move out of reach. I felt trapped in a cage of faceless bodies, I couldn't see through the tears clouding my eyes. I was certain I would pass out when whoever it was left and a strong hold on my arm pulled me out of the maze of teenagers.

I struggled to catch my breath, collapsing against the cool floor of the corridor, tears still falling down my face "Try breathing into this," I heard a voice and felt a paper bag pushed to my lips, I raised an arm and took hold of it, opening my eyes slightly when my breathing evened out.

"Remus." I stated, feeling so embarrassed that he had to save me after I said I'd be fine, and knowing I looked a complete mess now, but also feeling forever grateful to my friend.

"Hey Mel, you okay now?"

"Yeah," I nodded, convincing myself more than him, "Sorry about that," I murmured awkwardly.

"Don't you dare apologise, that jackass knew you were uncomfortable,"

I looked up at him and placed my hand on his arm, watching the anger fade from his eyes as they softened to look at me, "Thank you, Remus,"

"Always, Mel" He answered sincerely, "Come on," He encouraged as he stood up and held out his hand.

"I don't think I want to go back in..."

"We're not going back, I want to show you something,"

I nodded, taking his hand as he helped me up, and keeping it there. I don't mean to lead him on, I just need this right now. I would never want to hurt him.

*******

"Are we there yet?" I complained.

"We've been walking for a whole 2 minutes, Mel," He replied sarcastically, chuckling at me as we reached some stairs.

"Is this the marauders' base?" I teased, climbing up.

"No," He replied, smiling softly at my expression as I opened the trapdoor, "They don't know about this place,"

My eyes were wide as I took in where I was, we were on the roof of one of the towers, fairy lights lining the edges, a box of blankets and - knowing Remus - I assume chocolate. "It's beautiful," I whispered, gazing out at the breathtaking view of the grounds of Hogwarts. We were ridiculously high up but I didn't feel scared, Remus always made me feel safe.

"Thank you," He chuckled, pulling out a blanket to sit on before placing one around my shoulders. I subconsciously wrapped it around myself, as I looked at him, "You seriously haven't brought your 'partners in crime' here?" I asked suspiciously with a slight smirk.

"No." He said with the most genuine look on his face, causing the smirk to fall from my face.

I'm not good with openness, I can't hide openness, and Merlin knows there's a lot I should hide.

It's something I've never let myself admit, but I want the whole marriage and kids thing. I want it so bad I used to think up colour schemes for weddings and baby names, but somewhere down the line, I decided I had to be different. I decided to say I didn't want it before someone told me I couldn't have it - worst fear number 1, not being able to have kids - but also what if no one ever wants to have kids with me, I'm not exactly society's expectation of beautiful and I can't imagine ever being comfortable enough with my body to let someone see all of me, in that way. I decided that the only way to survive in this world and enjoy it is to stand out and not just let the current force you down the course of the river, but not so much that you get noticed. I want to make my own path; try everything, find and do something I love; experience the world and meet people. I decided that if I ever did just one thing that I'd feel stuck, and I might never stop wondering if there would be something I would enjoy doing more. I swore to myself never to become normal. I don't want some 9-5 desk job, I don't want a big white wedding and I definitely don't want kids - 2 boys and a girl to be precise. No, I don't want any of that. Worst fear, number 2, being alone.

My eyes caught on Hogsmede, lit up with activity as muggles and wizards alike go about their evenings. But could I be happy in a job that's perfect for me? With a guy who makes me happier than I've ever been? Could I marry someone who isn't a guy? Could I have the perfect little house with 3 perfect little devils to mess it up, if I just gave in? No. I never give in. Worst fear number 3, not being happy.

"Melody?" I heard Remus calling.

Oh god, Remus, he is one of the best people I know, he's so kind and caring and understanding, but that look in his eyes, a look of hope. I can't do this, especially not to him.

I won't fall, I know I won't get back up. I might not want to.

I looked away quickly, feeling tears prick my eyes at the realisation, "Thank you, Remus, so much, this place is beautiful and I'm truly honoured, but I think I should get some sleep now," I mumbled quickly, unwrapping myself from the blanket and stuffing it into his arms before scrambling towards the door.

"Melody," I heard him call, I turned back and saw those beautiful golden eyes, no judgment, no anger, "I don't expect anything," He said simply, keeping eye contact the entire time.

I nodded slowly, a few tears slipped, oh Remus, "I know," was all I said before I turned around and ran. I ran from feelings because that's all I've ever done, why stop now?

***********

I made it back to the common room, only getting lost ten times, and the party was over. A few Hufflepuffs were passed out across the floor and I stepped over them as I eyed the mess I knew I'd end up clearing up in the morning. Remus and I must have been gone longer than I thought... Remus, he is so incredibly kind and his brown hair looks so soft cascading across his forehead. He deserves so much more than me.

I pushed open the door to my dorm, oblivious to the slight pink tint to my cheeks in my daze like state.

"Look who's returned!" Marlene calls out, and I groan, I had hoped they'd all be asleep.  
"Where have you been, young lady, we were worried sick!" Lily joins in, a mocked worried voice contrasting her outright grin. Even Dorcas was giggling in her bunk as she kept her eyes on the book in front of her.

"I was with Remus," I said completely normally, as I began climbing into bed. I was met with a chorus of 'oooh's causing me to glare, "Not like that, grow up!"

"Something tells me you and Remus were pretty grown up!" Marlene squealed as they all began giggling yet again.

My eyes widened, "Nothing like that!" They all continued to giggle like hyenas, "Ugh, Dorcas!" I begged for her help but she was laughing too. 

Lying in bed glaring at the curtains, I cast a muffling spell to drown them out, after hexing each of them to make there hair static. I have enough to figure out without them clucking like a group of hens.

********

The next day, I walked around in a daydream, I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, random memories came into my mind, how scared I was yesterday, wondering who it was trying to do goodness know what with me, I thought of the girls, wondering if their insinuations were similar to his plans, I shuddered, feeling forever grateful Remus saved me when he did. Every thought came back to Remus. It was like he had invaded my mind, in every lesson, nothing went in and in lessons we shared, I was worse than useless.

Merlin, why am I so distracted? He's my friend, he helped me like he has countless times before.

He's a good friend, one of the best.

As the bell rang for transfigurations to finish, I let out a breath of relief that now I could go give myself a stern talking to about why a certain boy is not what we're meant to be thinking about when learning how to transform a tortoise into a goblet.

As a force of habit, I began walking towards the common room, but upon seeing my group of friends all gathered by the entrance, including a certain sandy-haired giant, I span on my heel and wandered aimlessly.

Why do I have to overcomplicate this? We're friends, I don't want to make anything weird, I certainly don't want to lose him.

My feet stopped walking and I found myself at a familiar staircase, the roof.

Sighing in willing defeat, I began to climb and settled down on the roof with a blanket and I just thought.

What am I feeling?  
Why am I feeling it?  
How do I stop it?

I gave in pretty quickly, I knew all the answers. I'm falling for Remus, because he's the best person I know, I can't stop it.

I don't think I want to.

I simply stared out at the world below, lit up in the dark, hearing wildlife and music and students, daydreaming about some days, remembering fond memories and not so fond memories. I simply thought, I can't remember the last time I let myself just think.

I heard a creaking sound, but continued to stare straight ahead, I knew who it would be.  
I longed to lean against the warm body next to me but I stayed upright. This is his spot, I feel bad for invading it, but I understand completely why he comes here, time passes so quickly and you feel so at peace, as if anything is possible.

We sat in silence, both just thinking, observing, I tilted my head and looked up at him, I want him.

I reached out and picked up his hand, lacing my fingers with his and staring at it a while before continuing to look ahead.

"It doesn't have to mean anything, I think I just need this right now," I whispered into the darkness, I know he didn't expect an explanation, he had no judgement in him. It felt like admitting something, but I had a feeling it was something he already knew, he simply nodded and looked forward, a small smile on his lips as he tightened his grip.

************

Every night that week, I found myself on that roof, attached in some way to Remus Lupin. At first, we sat in silence, comforting and supporting each other by just being there, I let myself think, then I told myself I didn't care.

We spoke; we talked about futures and subjects we like and hate, he wants to teach, I don't have a clue, honestly, I don't care as long as it's not herbology, he said he wasn't surprised. We talked about families, Lyall and Hope sound incredible, they must be to have raised Remus, I told him more about the orphanages, about how I met my adoptive parents, one wizard, one muggle. We share a love of record players and muggle music. We were open and it wasn't scary.

"I don't like myself all that much," I admitted, as we lay, arms linked, gazing at the stars.

"Don't say that about my friend, I happen to like her!" He replied teasingly before turning to face me, "Why?"

I answered, I felt safe and unjudged and peaceful, "I'm not sure, I guess I've never felt like I'm enough, or like I'm wanted, probably from the orphanage, and I've always felt too tall. I guess it's just in my head, it took a long time to realise I deserve Lily, and all our friends." I sighed, speaking to the stars.

"I understand." That was always his answer, and I always knew it was true, "I don't like myself, I'm either too loud or too quiet, I feel awkward and tall and shy and I feel ugly because of my scars,"

I looked at him, I had noticed his scars, I had never pushed to ask about them but I never thought they made him ugly, silvery lines that shine in the light, showing how incredible the inside of him is, he's beautiful inside and out, I reached out and followed one with my finger, from the bridge of his nose down to his neck, "I've always thought you were beautiful, Remus," I smiled, watching his slightly watery eyes.

"Scars don't make you ugly, scars show strength, they show everything you've been through, they show survival," I explained, sitting up, as I rolled up my sleeve I continued, "It's been a while, but we all have scars, Remus, emotional and physical, it doesn't change who you are, and I quite like who you are," I spoke softly, staring at the lines across my wrists.

I looked up and saw his eyes brimmed with tears, he looked right at me, still no judgement, but more understanding.

He wrapped his arms around me, and we simply held each other, I'm falling and I know it and I really don't want to stop.

************

The next night, I was anxious to see him. I hadn't seen Remus all day and I was in serious need of blankets and chocolate. I began the ascent up the stairs and opened the door into his spot, looking around before pushing myself up. He wasn't there so I settled down with a blanket and a book to wait.

Usually, I'd be happy to read for hours, but Remus introduced me to better options: communication with someone who completely understands me, with him.

I was worried I'd pushed him too far last night, that I'd scared him off, he doesn't need my baggage. I let myself fall and now it feels like I've landed and gone splat on a pile of concrete, I've been crushed. He doesn't have to be here, it's an unspoken agreement, but I've grown used to him. I like him being there.

I felt tears prick my eyes and I scolded myself, I packed up my belonging and headed back to the dorm. The girls were teasing as always, but I was in no mood for it, I climbed into bed and drew the curtains, my mind running off with every worst-case scenario, preventing me from ever reaching sleep.

I slipped out of bed ridiculously early, the second I heard some movement outside the door, I got dressed and headed down the corridor to the great hall. "James!" I called, spotting the marauders up ahead... without Remus. It felt like a punch in the gut.

"Good morning, Mel, what are you doing up so early?"James asked, slowing slightly to allow me to catch up.

"I was going to ask you the same question, I'm assuming it's not vigour for learning," I teased, before replying, "Just couldn't sleep last night," I shrugged, having to physically restrain myself from mentioning Remus. What if he hates me and they know everything? What if I've lost all my friends?

"We're going to see Moony," Peter explained, as we walked to breakfast, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Going to see him where?" I asked, confused.

"He's in the infirmary," Sirius stated simply before rambling on about some potions incident.

How selfish can I be? I was making this all about me when my friend was injured, he's in the infirmary! I'm such an awful person, "I'll see you guys later," I rushed to say before I turned on my heel and practically sprinted to the infirmary.

As I burst through the doors, I received an odd look from Madame Pomfrey, which I ignored, immediately scanning the beds for Remus.

I spotted him, looking ever so pale, dark bags under his eyes, the light reflecting off what seems to be an increased number of scars. He looked so vulnerable, yet still peaceful, still him. It's crazy how much I missed him in just one day, I felt tears drip down my face, "Please don't be the last day," I whispered, sitting down and grasping his unbandaged hand with both of mine.

The boys came about half an hour later with sweets and smiles, I don't understand how they could be so calm when their best friend looks like.... this. They left at the start of lessons, but I said I'd stay a bit longer, next thing I knew, I was awakened by Lily, bringing me some lunch.

"Hey, Mel," she murmured, "I'm so sorry,"

"Don't apologise to me, he's the one whose hurt. God, look at him, Lils," I felt the tears start again.

"It can't be easy seeing someone you love in pain," she stated simply, no implication, just honest sympathy, and I allowed myself to take it.

I fell on to his shoulder the second Lily left, allowing the tears to fall from all these complicated emotions, from the loss of him, from the worry for him.

His hand squeezed mine from where it was still encased in my tight grip, I shot up, looking directly into his caramel eyes, "Remus!"

"Melody," He smiled, immediately making it a little easier for me to breathe, I smiled back before remembering everything, I looked at our joint hands and pulled mine back, wiping my tears.

"I'm glad your okay," I whispered before I gathered my belongings and left, telling Poppy of his recovery on my way out.

I care about him. I care far too much. It hurts.

I spent the afternoon in the kitchens, helping the elves with the washing up and snacking on sugar cookies, not sure how helpful I was but at least it was a distraction - I always found it oddly comforting to listen to the head elf rant about the students and the mess they make.

When lessons had finished, I allowed myself to leave the kitchens, stealing one last cookie as I began walking around, being, once again, lost in my thoughts. Unsurprisingly, my feet had found their way here, to the roof, to the one place in this castle that feels most like home, because he feels like home. His place, but he calls it our place. I took a breath and started to climb.

"I'm so sorry, Melody, for everything; I pushed you too far and I just can't lose you, so for everything I've done, I'm so sorry," He babbled, as soon as I stepped foot onto the roof.

I was so relieved to see him there, it took a while to process what he had said, I was just so grateful to see him standing there in front of me, "What you did? I thought you were angry at me and then you were in the hospital wing, Merlin, Remus, I was terrified I was going to lose you." I breathed out, my arms holding his own, just so glad he was back and safe.

It went silent, I couldn't meet his eyes, I started to apologise further, walking backwards, when his hand caught my wrist, his thumb brushing gently over my sensitive scars. He didn't say anything, just looked in my eyes with a pained sadness.

"You could never lose me," He said so sincerely that I looked up, terrified he didn't mean it and terrified he did.

I didn't know what this meant, but I didn't care, I wouldn't lose him, and I sure as hell wouldn't let him go. I flung myself into his chest and wrapped my arms around him, a few tears escaping.

He hugged me back and it was silent once more. I felt safer than I had in my whole life. We stayed like that, minutes past, but it could have been hours.

"I'm a werewolf." He whispered.

I took that in; werewolf, i.e. uncontrollable monster; Remus, i.e. the most kind and loving and genuine human I have ever been lucky enough to meet.

He had the scars, he had the trauma hidden in his eyes, but it was part of him, and I lov- like all of him.

I nodded slowly against him, not loosening my grip, "Okay."

He froze for a moment before I felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled, "'Okay'? That has to be the most anti-climatic response I've ever received,"

"Did you want me to run screaming?" I teased, "'Cause it'll take more than that," I finished, grinning as pulled back to look at him.

"Oh Mel, I am never letting you go," He whispered with a soft smile as he slowly brushed away my tears with the pad of his thumb, I leaned into his touch and suddenly I was leaning up, my feet on their tiptoes and my arms reaching out before my eyes closed and I placed my lips on his.

It was magic, he tasted of chocolate and peppermint, his natural smell of old books and damp cardigans and boy filling my nose. he was just so him, and I loved it, I gave in but it didn't feel like giving in.

I felt his arms wrap around me deepening the kiss and when we pulled apart for air, I just stayed there, blinking him in, arms wrapped tightly around each other.

This is real. This is what 'real' feels like.

"I-I, I, um, like you Remus" I admitted quietly, looking down.

I heard him breathe out a laugh and looked up scowling, only for my face to soften at the look in his eyes, "After that? Yeah, I'd hope so,"

I swatted his arm, "Remus!"

"Okay, okay, I, um, love you, Mel" He whispered, teasing me slightly as he repeated my phrasing, but staring straight at me. I blinked. 

Love. 

Love, no. Love is for grown-ups who get married and have kids, love isn't for 16-year-olds. I felt my heartbeat quicken, this was happening, this felt like happiness and hope and everything I'd ever been petrified of but I didn't feel scared.

"I love you too," I admitted, being silenced almost immediately as his lips crashed into mine.

**********

Epilogue (Remus POV)

After the whole 'I love you conversation', we realised we'd gone from friends to a whole lot more without any of our friends knowing. After Mel asked me out 'officially' after pouting because I didn't ask her the second after we kissed - I was a little distracted - we decided to just march into the common room and pretend nothing was any different, reveal it slowly.

It was working until about 5 seconds in when she was about to sit next to Sirius and I literally growled, making her smirk and wrap her arm around him. They were friends, I knew that, she just told me she loved me for Merlin's sake and Sirius wouldn't do anything, knowing I like her but I couldn't help my jealousy, I pounced up, pulled her up by the arm and kissed her in front of everyone. Most were shocked, Lily and Sirius didn't blink an eye.

"So, you finally got the girl," James said to me after Mel had been kidnapped by the others for a similar interrogation.

"Don't give me that, James, you oblivious twit, you're so obsessed with Evans, you didn't even notice," I laughed.

He blushed slightly but just laughed, "Guess you're right, Sirius knew from the start, though, and Peter followed you two one night and saw you holding hands,"

I shook my head at the idiots I call my brothers sat in front of me, "And you found all this out when?"

"I literally just told him; he is an oblivious twit" Sirius added, shoving James off his seat.

James sat up, his scruffy hair now even scruffier and glasses all askew, "Ass," He mumbled.

"We're happy for you is what those idiots mean," 

"Thank you, Peter," 

As I met Melody's eyes across the room, I could only think one thing, I was blooming happy too.

{Life will take me where life will take me. I have faith that future me will figure it out. Eventually. Hopefully.}

(5840 words)


End file.
